Does 'love the one you're with' really work?

Have you heard of the phrase “love the one you’re with”?

Instead of constantly seeking out ‘the one’ you switch your focus to loving the one you’re with.

For years, I’ve wanted to believe this phrase.

But here’s what I’ve learned — this phrase is a coping mechanism.

Let me explain.

Before I learned how to date authentically and before I met my wife, I was in an 8-year long-term relationship.

My gut knew that the relationship was wrong three months in.

It took me 8 years to get out.

I tried internalizing “love the one you’re with” during those years.

I tried to re-frame how I looked at the relationship.

I tried gratitude.

And don’t get me wrong — we had good times too, but at the end of the day, my heart knew.

And no amount of “love the one you’re with” was going to convince my heart otherwise.

I was logically coping and prolonging my relationship because I was afraid to get out of it.

“love the one you’re with” was a perfect coping mechanism.

Why?

Society won’t judge you for accepting:

• “well, relationships are hard”

• “relationships are about sacrifice”

• “true love means sticking it out no matter what”

WRONG.

Relationships are hard when your values don’t align.

And you’re afraid like I was to say NO.

And you’ll weather the storm until you can’t.

And then all hell breaks loose and your heart eventually wins.

After my relationship was over, I got back into dating. But this time, I went in with clearly defined values that would fulfill me in a long-term relationship.

I still met women that I didn’t go on a second date with but now I didn’t waste my time nor theirs.

But then I met my wife and our values aligned.

We’ve been together for almost a decade and we don’t look at our relationship as a sacrifice.

I see about 90% flow and 10% conflict.

It’s with a favorable ratio you build a life together by “loving the one you’re with” because it’s easy…not because you’re forced to.

And that solid foundation starts with figuring out what you truly want from your marriage-quality woman.

Not the values Mom and Dad told you.
Not the values the manosphere says you should want.

It’s the values your heart + mind resonate with.

If you get this part wrong you’ll also start to think “relationships are a sacrifice”.

In 8 days, I’ll be hosting a TruValues Workshop where I’ll show you exactly how to drill down into your heart and uncover what values you’re looking for in your marriage-quality woman.

Get this right and dating becomes easy because you’ll know exactly what the right woman looks like for you.

You won’t need to waste years in a relationship that wasn’t going to work out anyway.

And you won’t have to “stick it out no matter what” because you’ll be with somebody who gets you.

Here’s the registration link.

Until next time,

Nikita.